Day 2: Conundrum

Posted by Dane | Filed under vegan-ness?


Are there animals in Jolly Ranchers™?

I’m sitting at my desk pondering this while my vegan co-workers congratulate me on my newfound… ummm.. I don’t know… vegan-ness. They’re telling me that it will take a few days to adjust, but that I will feel better in the long run. While they’re telling me this I curse them in my head… and then I curse their children, and their children’s children. Vegan me is mean!

You know in Popeye when Wimpy would see everything as hamburgers? That’s a total lie. I haven’t eaten meat in like 30 hours and everything still looks the same to me. What gives?

It’s not that I miss the meat so much, as it is I just don’t like denying myself. I’m a baby.

Permalink | June 24th, 2008

11 Responses to “Day 2: Conundrum”

  1. Crissy Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    I don’t think you can have the Jolly Ranchers.

    They’re all sugar right? And everyone knows that they use donkeys to haul sugar from the sugar plant to the Jolly Rancher factory and so while there may be no donkeys in the Jolly Ranchers themselves, innocent donkeys were probably exploited in the making of the Jolly Ranchers and so by eating them it’s like you’re eating donkeys and I don’t think that’s the kind of vegan you want to be.

    Is it Dane?

  2. SawSaw Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    Are you doing this so you can be closer to Oprah? Isn’t she doing this Vegan shit too?

  3. Nels Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Didn’t mankind breed the souls out of the cows by now anyway?

  4. JustinS Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Can you eat meat if it’s from animals that been raised in one of those pens that squeezes them in so tight they can’t move? Kinda like vegetables?

  5. melissa lion Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Let me know when your hair starts falling out, or your skin peels off in sheets. I think that happens to vegans too.

  6. Jen Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    Dane, Dane, Dane. I was serious when I mentioned these things! 1) You gotta list the ingredients of the silly stuff you’re eating. That makes the whole thing so much more mock-worthy. 2) You also need to incorporate some type of gambling widget on here. That way the rest of us can make some cash off of this noble endeavor. My guess is after a few margaritas, you’ll be licking cheese off the floor.
    Good luck!

  7. Chlrey Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    I like the idea of wagering on this experiment. What’s the over/under? Ah, who cares, I’ll take the under. Bacon cheeseburger.

  8. Tea Says:
    June 25th, 2008 at 8:20 am

    You’re in the clear. Jolly Ranchers are vegan :)

    Also, Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids, Triscuits, Oreos, Clif Bars and some semi-sweet dark choclates (cocoa butter isn’t a dairy product - just check for whey, lactose or milk in it) are okay for you to eat as well.

    You can find a list of many more vegan candies and snacks on this list but I would be sure to still check the ingredients, since that site says it’s stuff is 99% vegan.

    If a candy has gelatin or milk products in it, stay away.

    These links might also help you:
    http://www.vegproductsguide.com/
    List of animal ingredients in food:
    http://www.vegansociety.com/html/food/criteria.php

  9. chris Says:
    June 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    Jolly ranchers? I didn’t realize people still ate those things. They always stick to your teeth and all that.

  10. jt Says:
    June 26th, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    really? jolly ranchers don’t have gelatin in them? they look like they would. maybe they used to.

  11. Anna Says:
    February 11th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    WOW!!!! I just stumbled on this site….this shit is funny!!!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA

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