Dane = Cheesemonger
Posted by Dane | Filed under I'm not vegan anymore
I love cheese. Also - I’ve been working…. A LOT! That’s me in the red hat after a 36 hour stretch.
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Day 5: Vegan pizza
Posted by Dane | Filed under I miss cheese
Vegan pizza is terrible. TERRIBLE.
That is all.
Day 4: Bad things happen to good vegans.
Posted by Dane | Filed under I miss being a vegan
Hey Guys! It’s me, Kiala from Face of the Cookie!
Soooo…Dane is too embarrassed to blog today. He kind of fell off the vegan wagon (or vagon as I like to call it - combining things! It’s fun!) yesterday. Everything was going well at lunch when he ate this:
Too many tofus.
But what happened next, well…it wasn’t his fault. He had a working dinner at Clarklewis and I don’t know if you’ve ever been there but what they do is they serve any party of 6 or more “Family Style”. This means he had no control over the food, everyone shares, and all he could eat was the asparagus.
Luckily, asparagus is the one vegetable that doesn’t make Dane cry like a little girl. Still, three asparagus stalks do not a meal make…although after all that tofu I can’t imagine being hungry ever again - but hey, that’s just me. I’m superior a girl.
So on the way home, he got fourthmeal. At Taco Bell. No, he did not eat meat, but he did have some cheese. And, I don’t know if I mentioned this, but he had Taco Bell which is just horrifyingly bad for you. And also smelled incredibly delicious wafting from the living room and into the bedroom where I was reading my vegan book, Kushiel’s Mercy. Okay, it’s not about vegans. It’s about magik and bondage and other sexy nerd things. It’s AWESOME.
Bondage: Not just for vegans anymore.
Not to worry, he was back on the vegan train as of this morning. Don’t judge him too harshly please. God is already doing that for you.
Oh, didn’t I mention? We’re going Christian next month.
Day 3: The Forgetful Vegan
Posted by Dane | Filed under I miss cheese
Day 2: Margaritas = Vegan.
Posted by Dane | Filed under Uncategorized
There’s no animals in margaritas right? Back me up here, because I just drank like 5 of them. I don’t care if it’s true or not… I need some support god dammit.
So here’s the thing… Being vegan is hard. Honestly. HARD.
It’s not so much the specific ingredients that I miss… it’s the routine. We had dinner tonight at Acapulco’s Gold with Justin and Megan.
Here is a picture of Kiala’s food:
I’ve had a few too many margarita’s to properly explain the events of the evening, but rest assured… I’ll do my best the morning to make sense of this madness.
Thanks for sticking with me internet, I always knew I could count on you.
Day 2: Conundrum
Posted by Dane | Filed under vegan-ness?
Are there animals in Jolly Ranchers™?
I’m sitting at my desk pondering this while my vegan co-workers congratulate me on my newfound… ummm.. I don’t know… vegan-ness. They’re telling me that it will take a few days to adjust, but that I will feel better in the long run. While they’re telling me this I curse them in my head… and then I curse their children, and their children’s children. Vegan me is mean!
You know in Popeye when Wimpy would see everything as hamburgers? That’s a total lie. I haven’t eaten meat in like 30 hours and everything still looks the same to me. What gives?
It’s not that I miss the meat so much, as it is I just don’t like denying myself. I’m a baby.
Day 2 - 9:19AM: The Coffee Shop
Posted by Dane | Filed under I miss milk
I’m fucking terrified to eat anything.
How do vegans live like this? I’m at the coffee shop, and I find myself actually wanting to ask someone if they know if there are any animals in plastic wrap. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Suddenly the entire world is a threat, like it’s trying to shove dead animals down my throat covertly. I can trust no one, and no one is to be trusted. Did I just say that twice? Whatever. I’m a vegan now, I can be eccentric if I want.
I’d punch Kiala in the larynx for a mocha right now.
…fuck.
Day 1: Mac and “Cheese”
Posted by Dane | Filed under I miss cheese
Vegan “Mac & Cheese”
You’ve really got to give it to my wife, she tried to make my first dinner as a vegan easy and serve me something that, historically, I’ve always liked. I love her for that… and I also kind of hate her for it.
I’m just going to come right out and say it…. nutritional yeast tastes nothing like cheese… NOTHING! STOP KIDDING YOURSELVES VEGANS. Let me put this plainly.
Nutritional yeast is to cheese as :
1. dump truck is to leopard
2. sunshine is to when she’s gone
3. Battlestar Galactica is to Battlestar Galactica
I hate all the animals. This is their fault for being so tasty.
